Mystery Boxes - A Lesson in Giving

 During winter holiday, we received a donation of shoeboxes filled with gifts and were asked to distribute them to children who would benefit. These boxes were special because they were put together by students from a school in Beijing. Each box contained items like stationary, small toys, craft materials, wearable items, and handwritten notes with encouraging words. 

We gave out the first batch of gift boxes to a group of children living in a less developed area of a central Chinese province.  These kids come from difficult family backgrounds, each dealing with their own set of challenges. We had planned a one-day SEL (social emotional learning) fun-and-activity event for them over the Chinese New Year holiday break. We thought this would be a great time to give them gifts—as a way to send good wishes for the new year. 

The question was: how could we arrange this so it becomes more of a learning opportunity, rather than just another moment of receiving donations? 

Over the years, we have noticed that both children and adults who are used to being recipients of donations often develop a sense of dependence or even entitlement. Some began to see themselves as “charity cases,” which can shift their focus away from building skills and working towards a better life, and more toward getting things for free. 

Please do not misunderstand! Donations are vital. They help people through tough times and remind them they are not forgotten. However, as an organization, we always need to think about the balance between giving with kindness and receiving with dignity.

So what did we do?

                         

One of our staff members explained to the children, “A group of kids your age heard we’d be holding an event in your amazing hometown. They’ve never been here and were curious about you and where you live. So they wanted to send a little something to say hi. They each packed a shoebox with small things they chose themselves, and they want you to know it doesn’t matter that you don’t know them. Just have a great semester!” We used the expression “good wishes” instead of “gifts”, to shift the focus away from the object and onto the thought behind it. 

To make the moment fun and fair, we turned it into a blind box opening. A staff member closed her eyes and randomly handed each child a box from the large shipping package. Once everyone had one, they opened them all at the same time. The room was filled with “aww” “wow” and big smiles. Of course, not every item was a hit—some kids looked a little disappointed. 

That’s life, isn’t it? Sometimes what we get is not what we want. But in a safe and supportive setting, kids can practice handling those feelings. They can learn to speak up, solve problems, accept that disappointment is okay, and above all, no grabbing from others! When the excitement settled down, we announced that anyone who want to swap items could, as long as both sides agreed. Some traded, and some gave things away freely, without expecting anything in return. 

With help from the facilitators, the children shared how they felt when they first opened their boxes—excitement, surprise, curiosity, happiness, disappointment, and joy. Together, they reflected on the joy of receiving, and how special it feels when someone gives you something you truly like. 

The final step was for each child to design a blind box for someone they love—a parent, a friend, or anyone they care about. They were encouraged to think about what that person would love to receive. We also reminded the kids, “gifts don’t have to cost money.” They could include “service coupons”, like a ten-minute massage, washing the dishes, or telling a joke to make someone laugh. 

Learning to “give” is just as important as learning to receive. It shifts the focus from “what can I get” to “what can I offer”. It builds empathy, creativity, and a sense of purpose. Giving helps children see that they have value to add to the world, not just through things, but through thoughtfulness and care. 

In our work, we often talk about how children should not feel like they are being pitied. That is not solved by nicer wrapping or softer words. It is solved by helping them step away from the receiving end and experience what it feels like to give. One of the most powerful ways to honor a donation is to show children that they, too, have something to offer. Along with the gifts they received, they also walked away with a chance to pass on love and kindness to someone else. 

A Family and Future for L.Y.

We'd  like to share about a boy named L.Y. who has been in our care for the past 3 years.  L.Y. was 12 years old when he arrived at the orphanage, and they asked if he might be able to join our “family model of care” project.

L.Y. was sent to the orphanage because his father had passed away, and his mother was suffering from mental illness.  When she was hospitalized, there was no one left to take care of him.  Although he has no known medical or developmental issues, L.Y.’s chaotic family situation during early childhood certainly left him at a disadvantage.  We were very happy to welcome this shy, quiet boy into our Little Flower “family”.

L.Y. has benefitted greatly from having a stable family structure.  His foster parents have been helping him learn his way around the kitchen and he enjoys helping prepare meals.  

School is getting more challenging as he gets older, and he’s very grateful to have the support he needs to do well in his studies. 

L.Y. enjoys playing basketball when he has free time.  

He’s a very determined young man who works hard to succeed at whatever he puts his mind to.  The younger children really look up to their very gentle “big brother”.  

We are so grateful for your support; you make it possible for us to provide nurturing, family-based care to disadvantaged children who would otherwise end up in a typical institutional setting.  Our goal is to provide L.Y. with the vocational skills he will need to become fully independent once he finishes high school.  We’ve been able to arrange for him to take some classes in traditional Chinese massage.  

At this time, he’s considering either learning to cook professionally, or perhaps continuing his training in massage and pursuing that as a full-time career.  Whatever he decides, we are so grateful to be L.Y.’s family and provide the encouragement and support he needs at this very vulnerable stage of his life.  

Five years with P!

P is a ten year old boy who has been in our care for the past 5 years.  He was born with a cleft lip and palate and abandoned at the front door of a beer factory at one day of age.  P was in kindergarten when his orphanage asked if he might be able to join one of our foster families.

When P first arrived, his speech was a little bit unclear but now he speaks clearly and confidently.  He’s matured into a very smart and capable ten-year-old.  His foster parents say that he is helpful to his siblings and does his chores cheerfully without having to be reminded twice.  

P is doing very well in school and he loves to read.  

Of course, like any typical boy he has lots of energy to burn off… one of his favorite things is to go outside and run!

P has recently had the opportunity to begin an extracurricular program studying traditional Chinese medicine.   This innovative program was developed by a group who teach traditional Chinese medicine and are hoping to bring this knowledge to the next generation. P was selected among a small group of students at his orphanage to participate in the program.  

His teachers are impressed at how well he is able to grasp the concepts and recite the traditional texts. 

We are so grateful to all who support our work.  You make it possible for us to provide nurturing, family-based care to children like P.

Made For Love - Understanding Identity in Adoption

Currently we are taking on a new project, that is, writing a practical manual for Chinese families who are considering adoption. Until now, we have worked primarily with children inside orphanages and from disadvantaged family situations. We have also worked with adoptive families in China and abroad, whose experiences, struggles, and reflections have helped shape our understanding. This manual is our first attempt to organize the knowledge we have accumulated so far into a tool kit for domestic families who are preparing to adopt today.

As we started writing, one topic quickly stood out as both essential and difficult: identity. In the English-speaking adoption community, identity is a central concept. It refers to a person’s internal sense of who they are, where they come from, and where and how they belong. Adoption professionals speak openly about “adoptive identity development”, “narrative integration”, etc. However, in everyday Chinese family culture, identity is usually understood more externally: family name, ancestry line, social role and status, or household registration. 

Often, the question of identity is inseparable from another deeply rooted practice, where adoptive parents do not tell their child about the adoption. This is meant to protect, especially for those who are adopted young (Many parents who adopt older children also try to avoid this topic). In their view, knowledge of earlier abandonment or institutional care might burden the child, cause insecurity, or bring about social stigma and even bullying. Silence means a clean slate, a shield, as if to say, “if you never have to know, you can grow up carefree.” 

At the same time, children grow up, and they cannot help but notice and wonder. Questions emerge when they compare faces, family stories, and medical histories, for example. It is human nature to seek coherence in their life stories, and what begins as protection may gradually become an obstacle to trust and self-understanding. 

In our manual, we treat secrecy not as a mistake to correct, but a caring strategy that needs to evolve as the child grows. We present quotes and examples from real adoptees who shared their experience of secrecy and openness. We show that disclosure is not something that we do “in the heat of the moment”, but a continuous conversation that grows with the child. Therefore, an important question to ask is: “How can we share our child’s story in ways that feel safe and age-appropriate at each phase of their development?” 

Once parents begin to see silence and secrecy as flexible, talking about identity start to make sense. Identity is introduced as the child’s developing answer to “Who am I, and where do I belong?” We emphasize that adoption does not erase a child’s earlier story, even when that story is painful or unknown. Instead, adoptive parents become companions in helping the child hold their whole story safely. 

Our hope is simple: to help Chinese adoptive families understand that identity is not a problem to prevent, but a process to protect and support. Honesty, openness, and respect for the child’s questions are not foreign ideas—they are acts of care that help children grow into secure, whole adults. 

Introducing Little T!

 We'd like to introduce one of our newest arrivals, a baby girl named T who was abandoned as a newborn in October.  She appeared to be perfectly healthy, but diagnostic tests revealed a heart murmur and a congenital hepatitis infection.  Her orphanage asked if we could transfer her to our programs and provide the special care she would need.

The doctors do not feel that her heart defect needs immediate surgery and have decided to monitor that for the time being.  Little T travelled to Beijing so that she can consult with the specialists about her hepatitis infection.  Despite these medical issues, she is a very typical little baby, who loves to sleep! 😴  

T's caregivers say that she is a very easygoing little girl who loves to be held and rarely cries.  They also say that she is very alert and smiles easily.  And of course she is enthusiastic about her bottle!

The older children are very much in love with her and they never miss a chance to hold and cuddle her (with supervision, of course!).

We don’t yet know what the future holds for little T.  We are optimistic that her medical issues can be resolved and that her orphanage will be able to seek an adoptive family for her.  In the meantime, we are privileged to be her family, and to provide the love and medical treatment she needs to grow and thrive.  Thank you for your support; you make it possible for us to provide nurturing care and healing to little ones like T!

Spotlight on little Y!

 We've seen over and over how our programs are helping vulnerable children in China's welfare institutions to heal, grow and thrive.  Another example is four-year-old Y, who was born prematurely and diagnosed with a hypoxic brain injury.  

She was several months old when she arrived at our home, and the main issue we faced at that time was her severe allergies to regular formula.  We tried many different brands and types of formula, but she suffered from eczema and skin irritations for many months.

As she grew, we noticed some orthopedic issues affecting her legs and pelvis, which were initially treated with therapy.  

Further diagnostic testing confirmed that these issues were more extensive than we realized and that she would need surgery.  Little Y had that surgery this fall and is recovering well.

Y is a shy, quiet girl who is now in our Family Model of Care project and is attending classes at our early learning center.  

Her teachers and foster parents describe her as a smart and sensitive little girl who loves exploring the world and participating activities with the other children. 

We are so very grateful for all who support us in our work.  You are helping to make a difference for little Y, and so many others!

A beautiful little princess!

Little YX was abandoned as a baby 7 years ago.  She was born with a cleft lip and palate, so her orphanage asked us if we could accept her for care and arrange her surgery.  Little YX’s first cleft surgery was done by a team working with Love Without Boundaries, and then we arranged for her to travel to Beijing when it was time for her second surgery.  

We thought that might be the end of her medical issues, but she has also been diagnosed with a seizure disorder.  Fortunately, her seizures seem to have lessened and are not greatly affecting her daily life.  Like many cleft affected children, her speech is unclear at times, but she works hard so that others around her can understand what she is saying.

YX is now a cheerful, outgoing 7-year-old. She is a quick learner at math and loves solving word problems that are meant for her older siblings.  She’s definitely a girly girl, and has loved wearing pretty dresses since the time she learned to walk.  

One time she received a beautiful new dress. She put it on, lifted her dress, curtseyed slightly, and said, "Thank you, my Lady!" just as she had seen on TV shows.  Her foster mom burst into laughter, but she didn't. She held it there for a while, and then she broke out in a big smile.

Over and over, we’ve seen how our work is not only helping vulnerable children like YX to receive life changing medical treatment, but also providing stable, family-based care as they grow.  All of this is possible because of your prayers and support!