A laundry day surprise...

Little JL was seven years old when he joined one of our foster families a year ago.  

JL was born with a cleft lip and palate, which were repaired when he was small.  He was transferred from a more rural area to one of our partner orphanages last year and they asked if he might be able to join our family model of care.   We were very happy to have JL join us, as we knew that being part of a family would make a big difference as he grew.

 JL is a curious boy, always asking questions and wanting to try things out for himself.  He's also very determined and independent, and this combination of traits can come sometimes lead to trouble!

JL loves tigers, rainy days and lollipops.  At school, his favorite class is math.  In the year that he has been with us we have watched him adjust to living in a family and make great strides in his maturity and development.

  His foster mom shared a recent incident that left her feeling overwhelmed with emotion: “JL was doing chores, and his task was helping out with laundry.  He was just about to start a load and noticed that there was a large wad of cash in the washing machine.  He immediately came to me and turned all of the money over.  I was amazed, because in the past he’s had the habit of taking things (sometimes even money) that don’t belong to him.  He didn’t even hide a little for himself, he gave me all that he had found!  As a reward for finishing his chores he chose an ice cream bar, which he enjoyed immensely.  He was very proud for doing his chores well and earning a small reward, but I was even more proud of him for his honesty and integrity!”

We are grateful to those who support our work.  We are humbled to be making a difference for children like JL, to know the love of a family and to learn values that will benefit him for the rest of his life.  

Made For Love - Behind Every Behavior...

 When we encounter behavioral issues in children impacted by traumatic experiences (such as abandonment, loss, and chaotic family situations), we believe it is crucial to remind ourselves that often, a child’s undesirable behaviors are triggered by unmet needs and/or trauma from the past.

 

Traumatic experiences often sabotage a child’s sense of safety and trust in adults. For example, Q spent his first few years in a traditional institutional care setting, where caregivers worked in shifts taking care of multiple infants. He was fed and changed regularly, but meaningful interactions were limited. Now at the age of 7, he loses his temper very often. This is not because he is defiant, or mean, but because the ability to self-regulate emotions develops through co-regulation with a trusted adult, which Q never had when he was little. 

Being mindful of how a child's past influences their present behavior means we need to be able to understand the lived experience of the child.

In our projects, we recognize that infants need meaningful interactions with consistent caregivers in order to learn to regulate their emotions.  Because of this we prioritize responsive, nurturing care for every child we care for, beginning as early as possible.

We provide trainings to our staff members to help them see beyond surface behaviors. To help the children heal and grow, we need to be careful and avoid pointing fingers at the child. Instead, we need to be curious and observant about what is really happening...

For example - one day, when all of the children were outside jumping rope, a staff member noticed Q was stomping his feet, pouting, and tears welled up in his eyes.

Staff: Hey, Q. You look upset. Could you tell me what is going on?

Q: No good! No good! I’m no good!!

Staff: Sounds like you are unhappy about something right now. What’s wrong?

Q: I can’t jump rope more times!

Staff: Ah, I see! You want to be able to jump more times than you already can. I saw you were doing great just now.

Q: But that boy over there can jump rope 100 times! But I can’t!!

Staff: Ah, that’s what you are upset about. … Really? Can he?

Q: Yes, he can! I saw it! Why can’t I do it? I want to do it! [Q is getting upset again.]

Staff knew the other boy was unable to do so. Maybe it was miscalculation? She decided to not debate with Q about whether the other boy could do so much.

Staff:: You really want to be able to jump rope like him, I see. You are 7 right now, and he is already 10. You are 3 years younger than him. Perhaps that’s why? Just be patient and keep practicing.

Q: But I WANT TO be like him NOW!! [Stomping feet]

Staff: It’s hard to be patient and you can’t wait anymore. [Q nodded]. How about you practice and practice every day, and I can watch you and help you count?

Q: OK!

Q cheered up, and started jumping rope again.

This is just a small episode in our everyday life where listening and attentiveness helps regulate a child’s emotion. When the staff member validated Q’s eagerness to excel and the feelings that came with it, his needs—to be loved, heard, accepted, to belong, to do well—were being met. He also learned that adults can be trusted. Of course, he still has a long way to go, and it is but one small yet critical step of helping him learn to regulate his emotions.

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Loving a wounded child requires the child feel seen, heard, and understood. We are devoted to creating a safe and nurturing environment where opportunities are provided every day for the child to freely express themself. 

We as adults are there to listen, to help them make sense of their emotions, and to teach them to master healthy coping mechanisms. As we listen to and understand a child’s unique experiences, we respect their dignity, promote their sense of belonging and self-worth, and support their development and well-being.

 

A very brave little fighter!

We like to give you an update on little  Q, who was born with a life-threatening gastrointestinal defect and left with a note from his parents saying that they were unable to provide the medical care he needed. 

 We saw him through that surgery and thought it would be smooth sailing after that. And it was, for several years. 

 When he was three years old we were shocked when his doctors found a mass in his abdomen. He had surgery to remove the tumor, which was only partially successful. 

 He was diagnosed with neuroblastoma and began chemotherapy. 

 He appears to have responded well to the many rounds of chemo, but we have been warned that this is an aggressive cancer and highly likely to recur. He follows up regularly to monitor for any recurrence. Each time he gets the “all clear” we breathe a sigh of relief, but also realize he still has a long road ahead. 

As if that were not enough for any small boy, we recently noticed that he was snoring and having difficulty breathing when he sleeps. He returned to Beijing to see the ENT specialists, who scheduled an additional surgery to remove his tonsils and adenoids. 

 We are grateful to all who support our work.  Because of you, we had systems in place to provide lifesaving surgery to Q when he was first abandoned. And we were able to recognize, diagnose, and arrange surgery when he encountered his more recent health issues. But most of all, Q has not had to face these challenges alone. He has always had the comforting presence of his nanny, who has accompanied him on his many hospital visits. His caregivers have worked hard to ensure that his all of his medical care and hospitalizations were accompanied by love and nurturing interactions.  Thank you for making this possible!

The Beauty of a Family

 (Note: this post was written by LeighAnn, who worked at one of our orphan care projects 2019-2020)

When I first met Qi Yu, she was 2 years old. She was living in an orphanage in Northern China. One of the first things I was told about her was that she was matched with a family back in the US!

She was a very playful little girl. She loved running around outside with her friends. 

She was always happy go sit and get her hair done. One of her favorite things was helping the ayis fold laundry. She would fold the items smaller and smaller until they fit in the size of her tiny hand.

We had the joy of celebrating her 3rd birthday with the knowledge that her family day was coming soon! She had the most beautiful, delicious cake topped with cherries. She spent the rest of the day snacking on those cherries.

Fast forward 5 years and Qi Yu, now Antonella, just celebrated her 8th birthday at home with her family in Texas!

This year, Antonella requested a tiramisu cake and hot dogs, one of her favorite foods! She spent the afternoon swimming with her siblings and cousin.

Hot dogs! 

As I watched and played with Antonella, I kept thinking back to that birthday in China. While she had a happy day that day, there is always a bittersweet quality to a birthday in the orphanage. Watching her spend her day within the context of family reminded me of the beauty of adoption! While things can be hard, especially for families with medically complex children, there are so many simple joys.

On this day, there was the joy of Antonella jumping in the pool over and over, giggling each time! She got to pick out her own outfit and do her favorite thing- makeup! She was prayed over by her family. There was cake!

Antonella and LeighAnn

There is so much beauty in family and these special days make it so clear! 

Summer Evenings

 One of the children’s favorite weekend activities is heading over to a local park for the evening.   As soon as they arrive, the kids are ready to play. They start on the sports side of the park. They break into games of soccer, basketball, tennis, and more.

One of the biggest hits is jump rope. Some kids grab a short rope and practice on their own. Others join in some double Dutch. There is always a crew of onlookers- some waiting to jump in and others watching in awe! The count of jumps gets high! Some of the kids get near 100 jumps in a row! 

On the courts, there are a variety of games being played. Some of the older kids are trying to teach the little ones how to play different games. Groups of boys are trying to see who can kick the ball the farthest. 

They will play until near dark, stopping only for a picnic.

After a quick break to eat and rebuild their energy, the kids head over to the playground!

There is a constant stream of children coming down the slide. You see swings back and forth, going faster and higher by the minute! The climbing wall becomes a race and the monkey bars a fun a new challenge. 

After a fun evening, the kids are ready for a great nights sleep- even if they’ve got a few blisters on their hands! 

This time is precious to our foster families. It gives our children a time to play not only with their siblings, but also with classmates from school and kids from the other families. Our parents also get time to connect with one another. What could be more special?

Just in time!

 Over the years that we have been helping children in China, we have developed close working relationships with a vast network of doctors, nurses, and specialists in many pediatric fields.  We have seen their kindness and dedication again and again when they come together to provide life saving medical treatment for our little ones.  We were humbled once again to see them spring into action when we needed a miracle for little TX.

 Newborn TX arrived at a local orphanage in North China in critical condition.  It was clear that he had some kind of gastrointestinal emergency, so he was admitted to the small, local hospital right away.  They were unsure of his diagnosis and how to proceed.  

At the same time, the orphanage leaders called us and asked if we might be able to help.  Within a few hours we were able to coordinate an ambulance transfer from his province to Beijing, where he was admitted to the NICU for further diagnostic testing.  He had surgery shortly after that for a life threatening bowel obstruction.

Little TX has had a few complications during his recovery, but he was finally strong enough to discharge to our medical home in Beijing.  He’s being closely monitored as he continues to recover and is making up for the kisses and cuddles that he missed out on while he was in the NICU.  

Everyone involved in his story – from his orphanage leaders to the doctors in Beijing -  have been amazed at how quickly we were able to jump into action and get him the specialized care that he needed before it was too late.  We are very grateful for all of you who have chosen to support us in this work.  You are making a difference every day for little ones like TX.

Made for Love - Trauma Responsive Care

 We believe that every child has the right to grow up in a safe and nurturing environment. For the children in our care, it is crucial that they are also treated with a compassionate and understanding approach that accounts for past trauma. We know that trauma changes the way children interpret the world around them, the people in it, and where they belong. It shapes and impacts children’s emotions, behavior, memory and ability to learn.

Most of the children who come into our care have experienced trauma, such as abandonment, loss of parental care, chaotic family situations, and sometimes invasive medical procedure and prolonged hospital stay. These stressful experiences can adversely affect a child’s sense of safety and stability, which leads to difficulties in forming close and healthy relationships. 

This requires that we adopt a trauma-responsive frame of mind in all aspects of our work. It means that we not only have a good understanding of the impact of early trauma, but we also need to be able to recognize the signs and behaviors of trauma. 

Children who have experienced trauma may exhibit a range of behaviors that indicate their inner struggles. These can include withdrawal, aggression, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and hypervigilance. Recognizing these signs (and NOT regarding them as trouble-making or attention-seeking) is crucial for providing appropriate support and intervention. 

For example, one day a child slapped one of her classmates in school. The classmate had patted her on the back, wanting to tell her to stand in the line. This was seen as a serious breach of school rules, and our group home manager was informed. Knowing the background of this child, the group home manager understood that this child was not meaning to hurt her classmate, but it was a fight-or-flight response to what seemed to be a "sudden strike" in the eyes of this child. After discussion with the school, this child was given opportunities to amend her wrongs and make things right with her classmate. 

To provide trauma-responsive care also means making deliberate efforts to build a sense of connectedness with the child. Many children who were impacted by interpersonal trauma have difficulties building and maintaining meaningful relationships. In order to help them, it is our job to create a supportive environment where they feel seen, understood, respected, and cherished. 

We provide children with supportive environments through our family model of care and our early learning classrooms, where they can experience positive relationships. In their everyday life, we try to provide predictability and consistent routines. They helps maintain a sense of security for the child. Being able to know what to expect every day reduces anxiety and help children feel more in control. We also create opportunities for children to make choices. This helps them regain their sense of control, practice agency, and learn to be responsible for their choices. 

We are also providing ongoing trainings for staff members to ensure they can consistently provide trauma responsive care.  It is our job to understand the impact of trauma, to recognize its signs, and to respond with compassion and connectedness, so that we can help the children find hope and possibilities for their future.